Gag Gifts for White Elephant

Next time you threaten to open a can of whoop ass on someone, follow through by popping the top on a can of whooping cream. This actual can of whoop ass is filled with compost to help your anger bloom into something more productive, like weeds in the backyard garden.

Launch a sack attack on a friend that’s needs a little perking up. Inside this humble gag gift is a puff of air that will assault your friend’s senses when they open it up.

A yodelling pickle may seem like a totally useless item, but is there a better way to wake someone up from a deep slumber than with a screaming pickled cucumber? No. It’s a versatile addition to the stuff drawer of the friend who has everything.

A boss whose mouth has just as much of a reputation as his ability to close an EOM deal needs a placard for his desk proclaiming his achievements. This is no ordinary nameplate, but it is honest.

They’re so bouncy and fun to juggle, who wouldn’t want to play with balls? The characters in this book know that sharing is caring and want to spread the joy of giving and double entendre.

Don’t get the crumbs from your avocado toast on the game board, you’d hate for the mice you share your studio apartment with to beat you at the game. In Monopoly for Millennials, art imitates life. You start with $100 (because you’re broke AF IRL) and make your way to themed experiences like a tarot shop and parent’s basement.

The prince of the porcelain throne needs something to do while he’s spending all his time there. With Toilet Mini Golf he can practice his putt without leaving the comfort of his own bathroom.

Everyone’s got two sets of cheeks, and whomever receives this soap will never forget which side of the bar they used on one or the other thanks to the carved labels.

Belly laughs will abound when someone steps out rocking a hairy beer gut. This fanny pack looks disgustingly realistic and can hold an impressive amount of items in its pouch.

This benign bath mat will make the bathroom look like a scene straight out of a horror movie. When exposed to water, it turns bright bloody red making it look like a murder scene.

Thou shalt be jealous of the luscious locks that Jesus is rocking after a shave. This mug is heat activated so when your cup runneth over, Jesus “shaves” and his full beard disappears.

Butts are the truest and most natural stress relievers. Slap them, squeeze them, bury your face in them, it doesn’t matter, butts are good for it. This butt shaped pillow comes with a yoga pants cover and is a surprisingly ergonomic way for side, stomach and back sleepers alike to get a sound slumber.

Cats are the least zen creatures on the planet, but their litter boxes are where they and you can find some relief. Two tiny stone cats are included with the clumps in this desktop zen garden.

On Caturday there’s no better way to celebrate than being twinsies with your fuzzy friend. With a pet hoodie, you and your furbaby can be matchy matchy and hella comfortable.

When someone asks you why you got them this gift, ask them why they didn’t get you one too. It’s life size, it’s made of the highest quality materials and can be stuck and restuck around the house to follow your friend everywhere they go.

This miracle in a can is they key to rehydrating after a long run or a long night out. With dehydrated water all you have to do is pop the cap and add water and BOOM, infinite drinks.

Cards that sing are old news. Cards that release a paper butterfly that will literally fly by your friend are the new trend in greetings. Keep the camera on your friend to catch their face when they see this bug flutter by.

By avoiding confrontation, you avoid conflict, and no one wants to have a meeting that could’ve been an email, which is exactly what a confrontation is. Leave a note instead and express your true feelings without having to say an actual word.

For the pre-game, the party and the post-game, this guy is always ready to go. Need to celebrate and no one is around? This mini version of the popular car wash accessory will inflate and do a victory dance with you with the push of a button.

Charcoal is for more than the grill, it’s also for neutralizing the hottest butt blasters your friend fires off. These pads affix to their undies to make their silent but deadlies a little less deadly.

The girl who’s been making a few too many trips to the animal shelter to adopt cat after cat needs an intervention. If she can’t find a man, she can at least find a laugh in the Snuggle Pillow, which will make her feel like she’s nestled in the arm of a handsome man.

The friend that’s always covered in cat hair doesn’t have to let that fluff go to waste any more. Crafting with Cat Hair provides all the instructions they need to make giftable artisan items made from Mr. Jingles’ fur.

Stained glass windows and penguins are so played out. The People of Walmart Coloring Book is where the real action is at. Choose from a number of scenes you’d never see anywhere other than the big box store.

Your feet will be feeling gouda when tucked into a pair of baguette slippers. You’ll brie overjoyed by their plush interior that’ll keep your tootsies nice and fresh baked in cool autumn and winter temps.

A steaming hot coffee in your steaming hot shower? What more could you ask for? Probably for the Bathe & Brew to be a real thing. This gag gift box is one gift your friend might actually want to receive.

Update your wardrobe with the newest trend in feathery fashions with a pair of chicken leg socks. Your feet will never have looked more clucking fantastic than they do when you only have 3 wrinkly toes and tiny claws.

Slice those sewer snakes off with ease with the poop knife. This game changing poo tool will make sure every lincoln log gets chopped down to a manageable size, so you can relieve your bowels more effectively!

When you want to scream into the void but you live in a cramped apartment, it’s not a good idea. The G.O.A.T. idea is to let a desk-sized goat do the shrieking for you.

Take a s***, get lit, it’s the motto of every baby. With Lil Lagers, the baby bottle that looks like a beer bottle, after a hard day’s dump, it’ll look like baby’s taking another load off with a brewski.

This dog head mask is so realistic it’ll look like you sent your dog-pelganger in your place to the costume party. It’s 100% latex, making it as environmentally friendly and non-toxic as it is creepy.

Grand theft ice cream is a zero-degree frosty felony. Prevent your ice cream from falling victim to a terrible crime with a Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Pint Combination Lock that’ll keep your treat sealed up tight.

Your friend group’s morning person will never drag you to another 6AM breakfast at a diner once you give them the ability to make it themselves. Instead, they’ll invite you over for 6:30AM homemade breakfast. Enjoy your extra sleep.

Grab, jiggle, squeeze and wiggle all your stress away with a pair of balls. These hanging testicles easily adhere to the underside of a desk or sit on it. They’re ergonomically designed to focus on pressure points in the hands and stimulate blood flow.

Smile and say cheese, you’ve just taken your first slice-y. Infuse your friend’s next gift with some dairy hilarity by hiding their true gift in a box featuring a faux piece of tech.

Women of a certain age get their jollies from men of a different sort. Porn for Women of a Certain Age presents them with 40 steamy scenarios involving distinguished men doing things that will make her quiver, like making the scale read 10lbs lighter.

An average high five doesn’t cut it in above average situations. This creative hand attachment fills the air with an explosion of confetti for the high fives that come as results of the best news.

When you’re in a sh**ty situation thanks to someone else’s stupidity, leave them a business card as a reminder that they’re dumb as a post. Choose from one of eight insults to fit the occasion.